Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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