You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
