Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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