I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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