hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
