I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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