well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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