Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
