4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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