i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
