I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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