Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
