I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
