I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
