I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
