Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize