things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
