Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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