thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
PANTIES FOUND
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