please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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