grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
