I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
there's paper in my vomit.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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