so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
