some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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