I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
