I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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