he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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