I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
