Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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