Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
