I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
