I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
