we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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