I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
