the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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