4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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