Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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