I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
