Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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