I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
