some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
