I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
