That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
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I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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