dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
