Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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