At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
