Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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