dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i've created a new STD.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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