So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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