Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
