I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
