She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
