Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
