Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize