if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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