Acid is not a monday night drug
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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