Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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