I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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