I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize