I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
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It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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